i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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