I feel like abortions should bother me more
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
