dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
