Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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