Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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