When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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