you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
