i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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