HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
