White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
