the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
