i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
