There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
