Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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