So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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