Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
