Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
