I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
