does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
