I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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