I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
