How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
