i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
