if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
