yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
then he tried to convert me to islam
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
