party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
