There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
