so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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