I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
