in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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