somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
