And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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