i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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