her vagine was all disorganized.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
