I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
