Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
