i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
