you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
