he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I want a musical about memes.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
