if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
