you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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