I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
