my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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