You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
