Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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