wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
