Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
