Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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