I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
