Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
