sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He better not be in your backpack
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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